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Women taken to hospital

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital..

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she
asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to
live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had
someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she
had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of
it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing
the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"

God replied: "I didn't bloody recognize you."

************

Day off

St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive up in heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in. After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly." Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!" The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"

************

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